A Tiny Tale of Us

I miss you.

I may not be your priority but, I know I always run through your mind.

We hardly share about everything we’ve been through, 24/365+.

You know I can’t look you in the eyes, I could melt if I do.

You think the printed pair of socks you gave looks cute on me, so I keep it.

Like a kid, I always put the blame game on you whenever my character dies at the games we play.

You’re particular that I’m not vocal when I feel something bad that makes me mad for a long time, until I cool down and spill the beans.

I was like that.

You loved me even on my tattered points, and I love you so.

I could not even imagine myself with anyone but you.

And now, I always imagine how our lives could be at the present if we’re still together.

Lot of what ifs and regrets I have in mind could either make us or still break us.

Let’s try even the 1% chance left on us.

Trust the process, you always say, and we always do.

Pinky swear?

An Open Letter To The One That Got Away

What if we were really meant to part ways,
So that, in time, we could find each other again?
I believe there’s a silver lining for us to meet at the shore,
Where our lines will be intertwined to resume our half-sealed pinky swears. 

I was 17 when I got to know you. The night I can’t seem to forget where the glaring moon and stars witnessed the first time we’ve met. I really had no idea from that moment on, we’ll create the profound story of us.

Adrenaline rushes through every opening of my veins whenever we talk, and see each other. I don’t know why, maybe because the feeling felt like it’s always new. I’m always on cloud nine, a fairy tale bliss kind of feeling. Why do you have to carry that aura of an angel with you? It’s enticing, you got me. You’re like the blue sea, still and calm that I could stare the whole day for me to think of things I’d like to. The blue sea that turns red whenever I kiss you. Not a chance on a day that we won’t exchange goodmornings, and have you eaten your breakfast, lunch, and dinner. On busy days, we still’ve time to share how our day went before we bid our goodnights. We went out on dates, ate our favorites, and shared our stories to tell. I learned things from you, and you learned things from me. We even coerced our ship with every prodigious waves that hit us. Cherished good, bad, exciting and thrilling happenings and special days that came our way. We were young that time, but we both knew that our tryst relationship could go deeper, soon as we sail. We’re like that — we’re normal.

Thank you. You’re the one who brought out the best in me, and made me want to be a better person. You’re very ideal, your patience and empathy is indeed admirable, you’ve made me feel I’m validated. You ought to let me realize how to embrace my imperfections and perhaps it made us perfect for one another. Who wouldn’t love you?. Expressionless you might be but if I could be able to look through your heart, I know every beat of it can show the depth of your love for me. Your words might not be able to describe how you really feel towards me, but I thank you enough for telling me that you love me. And I so love you more always in all ways.

My Apologies. I know I’m perfect being imperfect, I’m no superhuman and I made mistakes. Sorry for acting silent like it’s nothing whenever I’m mad and for ignoring you at times. Sorry for my inability to compromise, the immaturity and toxicity I brought, for being too jealous of your time or even to someone. For my non-sense jokes, my whines and I sought your attention while you were too busy on your things. Sorry for being my greatest fear. Sorry for a bucket full of never-ending misunderstandings we have had. And a lot of things to apologize for. But above all these, sorry for loving you this much that made it hurt you. I trust fate and I believe you’ll accept my apology. I’m sorry.

I forgive you. I know you only have few words to say and you seldom spill what’s on your mind, I understand. You might be forgetful at times — on our special days, it’s fine. You might be too confined and you seem not to involve me on some of your whereabouts, it’s okay. You have taken the leap of faith, and tried to make everything right for us. I’ve had forgiven you.

Support

We were perfect for each other,
For years we’ve built a foundation of our love.
But there’s a thick line which indicates a limit,
And I guess, the time wasn’t right.

There are things which are simply inevitable. You’re dealing with existential crisis and I couldn’t help but to cause incessant arguments which disturbed your mental peace.  It wasn’t healthy anymore and I admit it’s because of me.  I have realized how frozen you were, you needed space and I sensed it. So I need to keep myself ready for the possibilities. Until you started to melt your ice. That night, I have all ears, eager to listen to your sentiments.

You needed a break from every commitment you have, including ours. You wanted to commit your time to yourself. Thus, you wanted to feel free and do everything without worrying that I would feel anything bad about what you do. You wanted to be happy without feeling any form of guilt for choosing your own happiness because you’ve always felt that you’re denying yourself. That you’re always making decisions on what other people are expecting from you. And whenever you choose to follow what your heart says, deep inside there’s always a feeling of guilt. Being with me for years, you thought that you weren’t giving me enough. You felt that you weren’t treating me the way you should. You perceived everything’s a mess that moment, and you want to fix yourself again because you needed to. You really wanted to make me happy but you can’t bear to give your all for me, for us. You were really thankful for the time we spent together and you wouldn’t forget me, you added. I was your first serious relationship, the one being really committed and lasted for years. But everything seemed to be blurry in the end. You needed a break and you’re lost. You felt that you weren’t improving and you didn’t knew when can you fulfill the role you have to play for me. And you felt like you weren’t the best for me. You needed a break and you swore that you needed to focus on yourself first. You said you don’t know if that’s the last heartbreak you will give me. You love me so much and you wanted me to be happy without you. You uttered that maybe you needed time to think about everything and you can’t assure me anything from that moment I begged on you. But you left me with the words that I would cling to “I believe if we really are destined, we’ll definitely find our way back”. “Promise me you still give your best in everything you do, even without me,  Pinky swear — I still love you.”

What If I never brought it up? Maybe you stayed, just the way you find me every time I’m lost. So we can figure it out until we learned to fix everything. But this context depicts me being selfish. Upon hearing your sentiments, tears streamed down my face. I had no idea for how long have you been keeping those burdens with you. I was dull not to notice those things until the silence echoed. And I failed to see my shortcomings to make you happy, so you’ll stay.  I believe everything happened for a reason, maybe to teach us a lesson. Even pain has its own intentions. I guess, that time was solely not for romance or compatibility, ’twas our future, families, hard work and career which were at stake. Never have I ever thought that I’ll lose you. I was caught off guard. It feels like I can’t run back to a burning house just to save the things I value — us.

It was the point of my life that I badly needed to escape and hide in the midst of nowhere so no one can see my dreadful being. Knowing that I can no longer touch the unwrapped of memoir of ours. For  the passing days without you I’ve had anxiety and I cried helplessly. Pillow cases witnessed my awful state until tears came out no more. Cobwebs were in my head like maybe I didn’t mean as much to you as I thought I did. My soul whispered sounds of yesterday’s memories as I kept reminiscing your presence. I knew how it felt to cry at night and struggle to cover my mouth so no one can hear my weeping. I knew how it felt like crying in the rain so no once can notice the tears sobbing in my eyes. I’d tried to stop the waves that cleared all our memories printed in the sand. But the splashes of these waves have already washed out my entirety. And then, I realized that even if I can’t stop the waves, I know I can learn how to surf and bring out the valor I’ve had. Some memories may never leave me, like I once dived into the sea, I already carried the salt and it became part of me. I can’t change anything more unless I learned how to accept it.

A line indicates a limit,
A limit which means boundary
If we were never to cross that line,
We would never experience the world, life, and relationships outside the boundary.

Well, we’re 22 and it’s been a year since we parted ways. Just because we were no longer together, doesn’t mean I won’t love you. There’s always a hint of sadness and a piece of my heart that smiles whenever I think about you. You’re my what ifs, my could’ve beens and should’ve beens. You are worthy, you are enough and you are blessed. I hope you have already found out what you’re looking out there. I hope you have already the audacity to believe that you are capable of everything, and be sure of all your decisions, and you deserve all the things that you have. I hope you’ve figured out what your heart truly speaks for, and your mind truly thinks of.  Be proud of yourself wherever you are or what you do. I hope you’ve already cleared out all the mess and wiped out the blur confusions you’ve had. Above all of these hopes, I hope you’ve found the answers to the questions that we once never figured out. It doesn’t have to be completely whole, but the leap of faith matters the most. A leap of faith where you believe and accept everything outside the boundary.

Despite everything that has happened, I want you to know that I have no bad feelings towards you. Yes you broke my heart, but you didn’t break me.  Instead, I’ve learned how to forget what hurt me, but not the lessons it taught me. I believe that there’s always a light at the end of every tunnel.

I wrote for the one-percent chance that you could read this piece. And though it’s only a one-percent chance, if you feel you’re ready to like me still, then couldn’t we start over? You don’t have to like me very much. Just keep your heart open for me.

 

Reply 1988: A Look Back To Ssangmun-dong

The implemented Enhanced Community Quarantine due to the COVID-19 pandemic befuddled me on what things to squander,  which led me to hitch the bandwagons as I am confined in our house this summer.  The distinctive act is to watch SoKor Dramas which I’m fond of henceforth. A heart-decimating Korean series and more than just faux Cinderella stories with belofied actors whiter than white. One which really piqued my interest to binge-watch is Reply 1988.

[Humongous Spoiler Alert] If you haven’t watched it yet, I highly warn you to read this at your own risk this may change your mindset. Don’t get mad at me if you get spoiled.

Choi Taek’s crib © 

Reply 1988 debuted in 2015 which whirled around to five best of friends and their families living in the same neighborhood. Anticipated by Lee Hye-ri (Sung Duk-seon/Sung Soo-yeon), Go Kyung-pyo (Sung Sun-woo), Park Bo-gum (Choi Taek), Ryu Jun-yeol (Kim Jung-hwan), and Lee Dong-hwi (Ryu Dong-ryong). 

NeigThe Neighborhood ©namuismybias

Evident is the 80’s vibe which manifestly exhibited, from the production and set design as well as the fashion accent of the actors.

Watching this felt like a huge ungrudging story, rather than to give the attention constantly on the leading lady and leading man and their romantically exciting spills that revolved into it, it encompasses its emphasis also to the characters’ clique — the neighborhood which made it eccentrically astounding. Plus the ability to make even the comedic inanity or silliest sight gag indeed caught me. This enfolds a slice-of-life and reality. Yes, this story embodied diverse culture, and yet it channeled and served notable memoir of the series that strike a chord of twain realizations, happy and sad. I’m feeling disquieted right now.

AThe Ssangmun-dong Eommas (Moms)

Kim Sun-young (Sun-woo’s mother), Lee Il-hwa (Duk-seon’s mother), and Ra Mi-ran (Jung-hwan’s mother) brought the light in their homes. They gossip about veritable things at its finest, yes they do the cleaning, yes they do the cooking and eating (Kim chi, Kim chi rice, soup and stew, Bean sprouts, Stock from anchovies and seaweed, and the fancy “American noodles,” a.k.a. spaghetti), yes they do the ordering (Jjajangmyeon, Gold fish bread), and of course, they change the briquettes. Even went to a shaman together to know what their future might be. At times, they may be emotional and worn-out, but they still keep going and never quit. They always got each other’s back.

No language can ever describe the real power of how they can change the lives of their families.

BThe Ssangmun-dong Appas (Dads)

Choi Moo-sung (Taek’s father), Sung Dong-il (Duk-seon’s father), and Kim Sung-kyun (Jung-hwan’s father) stood as the pillar of their homes. The serene and very calm Moo-sung of all time but panic-stricken when it comes to the mouse. The authoritarian and gruff Dong-il who cares for family values, steals bills from Il-hwas’s wallet and loves to buy gratuitous items from strangers. And the boisterous President Kim who is very sentimental about things that he can still fix a clothes iron with only an inch of cord in it. Aigoo!

They may be different from each other with shallow things that they carry, once their families need them, there is no shoulder higher than theirs.

CParent-teacher conference

Having known that Duk-seon is infamously ranked 999th in school, and she may never have a chance to enter any university for college after talking to the adviser. “Eomma, have you given up on me?”, Duk-seon uttered and burst into tears. A heartfelt mother and daughter scene caused me to shed tears a little. Her mom may seem to be very disappointed, but she assured her that everything will be alright.

Oh, Don’t cry my Duk-seon! Always remember that your character will always define you. Aja!

DDong-ryong’s wisdom

I’ve seen Dong-ryong’s storylines for having wacky maneuvers which led me to sound a burst of rip-roaring laughter. Aside from his fart parts, he is a dancer, singer, event’s host, a heavy sleeper in the study room, and can even hear words from afar. But this side is quite special, Duk-seon was in a mood for brooding how no one feels very likable and special towards her. “Find someone you like instead of someone who likes you. Without someone else liking you, you could like someone, right?”. Upon hearing Duk-seon’s tales of woe, Dong-ryong gave that advice which picked Duk-seon’s spirit up to think for herself.

Dong-ryong really is special aside from sticking garlic clove where the sun doesn’t shine as a homeopathic remedy for his hemorrhoids. Also, I hoped that Ja-Hyun and him had a real deal. Kidding.

E
At the Bathhouse

This scene really gave me a heartache when Sun-woo was carried out with his emotion and wiped down his vexation and tears when he finally knew that his mom works in the bathhouse. He breaks down when he found out her mom hunched over and scrubbing the tiles. Sun-woo doesn’t know why his mom still wants to be dreadful when he himself doesn’t ask for luxurious things like he doesn’t want brand-new clothes or branded shoes. “Loving someone isn’t just the room to give. It’s a desperate need to give because you have to.” Bo-ra told this to Sun-woo for realization.

There is really nothing more valuable and impeccable than a mother’s sacrifice. And Sun-young proved that. Even the terrible cooking of eggs with stray shell pieces and the rice with stray rocks. Arasso?

FThe Blind Date

Knowing that Bo-ra will be having a blind date with someone aliased as “Garbage”, she realized that it couldn’t be Sun-woo. So it’s him, Yes! “I came for the one-percent chance that it could be you.” I’m on cloud nine when Bo-ra mentioned it.“And though it’s only a one-percent chance, if you still liked me, then couldn’t we start over?” Inner me: ( ♫ Now! All I wanna be, yeah all I ever wanna be, yeah, yeah is somebody to you ♫) “I know this sounds crazy, but I missed you.” Bo-raaaa I cannot. Sun-woo still dumbstruck.

It’s been 6 years the last time they said goodbye. Now, they meet unexpectedly the sun has set and no candle can ever replace it. Indeed, we meet people we are supposed to when the time is right.

G“First floor, not second.”

Who wouldn’t be a fan of these overzealous lovebirds. They’ve met by accident, wrote letters, and went out on dates. Jung-bong folded gazillion of origami paper cranes. But suddenly got separated for over years. Hat tips to the chatroom and the monopoly space travel card, of course Maggie’s Memories wouldn’t forget. I couldn’t resist the zeitgeist.

Fate really decided that it’s their time already. They were really meant to be together.

HPersonalized Plaque for Appa

“As your daughters, as your son, we’re sorry for not giving you a warm word, for not sharing a drink with you, for not being able to hug you first, for not saying ‘I love you,’ and for not being able to fathom the weight of the name Dad.” Well these words cut deep and it hit me, that plaque was kinda heavy seriously with a lot of pain stabbing words in my heart. I stan this security specialist in the bank with a furious eyes, that even the Go Stop famous cheater (Dong-ryong’s father) can’t past him. And then there’s the banana-dorable eater Jin-joo — I died.

On a serious note, when they have each other, they already have everything. “I realized something really big today. I thought it was all over once the petals bloomed. But once those petals open, there is another fruit that blooms.” Dong-il shared.

INow or Never

Alright, stop. So, Jung-hwan raced his car and speed up the whole way to Duk-seon, it came to the point that he’s always being stopped by the red light which forced him to delay and wait.

“But fate and timing aren’t just coincidences that find you. They’re moments like miracles, that arise out of choices made because of ardent desire. Surrender and decision, without hesitation—that is what makes timing. It wasn’t the red lights, nor the timing that was bad but the countless times I hesitated.” Jung-hwan narrated upon seeing Taek approached Duk-seon before him. ‘’Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.’ Even if I’ve picked the bitterest chocolate of them all, it can’t be helped. That’s the fate I chose. There’s no regretting it, crying about it, or being heartbroken about it.” He added.

So to everyone out there having adversaries, timing is really everything. Whatever you want to do or say, do it and say it now for there are only so many tomorrows. Sometimes you don’t have to prolong the agony of waiting. It maybe now or never. But, Jung-hwan is Jung-hwan, we can’t replace this sweety. Team Taeky here tho.

Note11The Confession

This one is a false hope which fooled me. So they hang-out together while waiting for Taek cause he’s on his way. Very intently, Jung-hwan says, “Deok-sun, I like you.”, then he reminisced all the memories he has in his mind and spilled to Duk-seon about all the things he did, like waiting for an hour outside their house just to go to school with her, or him patiently waiting before he go to sleep until she came home. “All I ever thought about was you.”, he added. Jung-hwan mentioned the times they ran into each other on the bus and when she gave him a pink shirt as a present for his birthday. “I’ve wanted to tell you this for a long time, I really like you. I love you.”

All of them run out of words, even me. Until Jung-hwan asked Dong-ryong “Is that good, moron? You said this was your wish.” Gosh, I’m speechless. Duk-seon just smiled not knowing what to say to that surprise. I really thought that, that was it, but it’s really not. So now what happened to Jung-hwan’s ring left on the table???

JThe Wedding

Here’s the big moment that left me with no tears to cry. As Sun-woo and Bora approached their parents to bow, Bo-ra’s already crying when she looked down and saw the tissues that Duk-seon stuffed into the backs of Appa’s shoes, and she just bursts into tears. Appa doesn’t shed even a single tear ever in front of anyone.

“I don’t know everything in your heart, but I do know that whenever you call, ‘Bora-ya,’ it’s because you want me to look at you. I know that putting side dishes on my rice means that you love me. Why did I act as if I didn’t know? That pains me the most and I’m sorry.” “Thank you. I love you. I’ll live well with Sun-woo so that you won’t worry. It may have been a one-room half-basement, but I received so much love, and even if I’m reborn I want to be reborn as your daughter. Dad, I’m sorry, and I love you.” Bo-ra’s written note for Appa.

“Never forget that from the moment you were born, you were always my most treasured gem. My daughter, I love you. I can’t thank you enough for being born as my daughter.” Dad’s written note for Bo-ra.

This father-daughter separation is surely not the end of love, it will definitely create love. This point will come to everyone’s life that someone really has to go in order to navigate his own life. Don’t worry Appa, Bo-ra will be living in front of your house tho. *Wiping off my tears*


 

I’m really having sepanx, how can I move on seriously? I want to put a lot of words and give credit to all the people behind this state-of-the-art. I’m in deep awe and  the feels are making it strenuous for my brain anatomy to think of how to express my feelings.

I stan all the people behind this series as it is astounding as it was. Salutation to all of them, the neighborhood who made me smitten with their characters, even grave flaws included. Plus the quotable quotes that I may apply in real life situations. This proved that no matter how hard the situation we may face as long as we have a family and friends to lean on, we can’t fall down.

Well, it doesn’t matter if we all are #TeamTaek or #TeamJungHwan, I am just so glad to witness that this drama wasn’t confined beyond boundaries and went above their limits, I was really hooked that I really have no chance to think about that there was a second lead or a main lead but all of them. I’m going to think of them and miss all so much and so their humble homes and community — the worst feeling. I’m not being sarcastic but this is really a rare show wherein friendship and family ties risen in the occasion.

The show may have ended, but I will always wonder about them. How can I start watching other films? HAHA. Fate brings them together no matter how long time separated them. So, maybe someday in the future, I may come across and I’ll ask myself how I think they’re now and guess if they’ve became a different person. I’m still trying to move on from this drama although it’s already a month since I finished watching it. I’m very shallow so give me this one. Reply 1988 will always have a special place in my heart. Mehehe (Where’s the goat in the series?)

Goodbye Ssangmun-dong! ♡